DISCLAIMER: My blogs WILL have typos. Once I write about an experience, I leave it where it is. I don’t want to look back at them or relive them, so once I write, I don’t proofread. Sorry, not sorry. Either way, take what you need and leave what you don’t.
I can say that I have been on a healing journey for the last 2 years. But really, the work started to be noticeably harder during this last year. Shit, everything was noticeably harder during this last year, if I may state the obvious.
But, in regards to healing, mental healing, the work and efforts seem much harder when you are making progress. You know how much you have a physical wound, it hurts when it happens, but it really gets irritating when it starts to really heal? it starts to scab over and itch, and sometimes looks kind of ugly depending on the type of wound you have? Well, mental and emotional healing is the same, maybe worse, but you can’t see it.
People ask me all the type “how” I healed or “where” I am at in my healing journey. And as I say all the time, its a constant journey. I have written vaguely about the “how” but the “where” is always here. I am always healing, we all are. Which brings me to my point (ya’ll knew I would get there eventually). There are 3 main things we all need to know and accept about healing. And no, they aren’t pretty. But keep reading.
- Healing is uncomfortable and sometimes painful
You have experiences hurt, pain. That is not to be taken lighten whether it is physical or not. But to heal from a build up of emotional beat downs is hard and uncomfortable and sometimes painful. The discomfort really comes from having to unlearn whatever you have been told or whatever you have been feeling about yourself. Depending on how old you are or what you have been through, it is hard to unlearn something, probably harder than having to learn a new language. But it is something that must be done. The pain of emotionally healing often, for me, comes from having to let things go and having to relearn things in isolation. It is painful to set boundaries sometimes. It is painful to sit with yourself in a dark moment and acknowledge your own wrong doing, bad feelings about yourself, etc. However, both the uncomfortable and painful things need to be done in order to really get in there and start to heal. This is the pouring of alcohol on the wound to cleanse it before it can heal…properly.
- Healing can be lonely
We can be told all types of positive things, but if we don’t believe them ourselves, then it really doesn’t matter much. It takes a type of isolation to sit with yourself and not only do the uncomfortable and painful work, but to build yourself back up. Positive affirmations are cute on social media, but so much more important to you when they are done alone, in your mirror. When you are able to sit with yourself, tell your self positive things, and reason when yourself, you are making progress. It is easier said than done, but we really need this isolation so we can stop looking to other people to validate us or stop allowing the same types of people to tear us down or allowing certain situations, statements, or moments to make us feel unvalued, unworthy, or unloved (that was a mouthful, but read that again).
- Not all healing is clean
You may have an argument or two with someone. You may cry several nights in a row. You may come out of this was a rather ugly scar (memory). And that’s okay. Setting boundaries, while necessary, is not easy and is not always well reserved. So if you lose someone in this genuine healing process, fine. Reliving, unlearning, and reasoning with emotional trauma is not easy. Yes, you might want to keep it suppressed because it SEEMS easier that way, but is necessary (and much harder) to unpack it and deal with it. Cry, my friend. Let that shit out. Let those tears be the lubricate that your wound needs to continue to heal. Continuously, and rather unfortunately, you probably wont forget what it is you have healed from. You will learn to forgive, yes. You may not be trigger by certain things anymore, okay. But you will remember the damage that was done. You will use this memory to make different, maybe better, decisions. You will use this memory to make sure the people around you don’t have to experience whatever it is you had to experience. Sometimes, you may even shed a tear or two, and that’s okay! What’s important here is that you are not letting negative thoughts and feelings fester because you are doing the work that needs to be done to aid these wounds.
All this to say that, going into this new year, be kind to yourself. You don’t have to glorify or doll up your healing or your feelings. Acknowledge that the work can be, and probably will be, a little ugly. Be patient with yourself. Love on yourself. Pour into yourself as best you can. You may have a set back, and you are no less of a person for it.
Growth, positivity, & and all the things,