The year 2020 ends in about 15 days. I thought in June, when I wrote 20 Things That 2020 Has Taught Me: Part I that I had learned so much. And I did! But the next 6 months taught me even more about myself, the world, and the future. Some things were hard pills to swallow, some things I am looking forward to, and other things are neutral I suppose. Regardless, I want to use this time, before everyone starts blogging about their New Year’s resolutions,Christmas post, etc. to walk you through what the rest of 2020 has taught me. So, here we go:
DISCLAIMER: My blogs WILL have typos. Once I write about an experience, I leave it where it is. I don’t want to look back at them or relive them, so once I write, I don’t proofread. Sorry, not sorry. Either way, take what you need and leave what you don’t.
- I am NOT as mindful as I liked to think. The last couple of months, I have realized that I still have some healing to do and a lot of work to do in the mindfulness department. I had been told, by an ex and a current partner that I not understanding, especially when I am in the wrong. And this is true. Often times, because I have good intentions, I assume that there is no way that someone else can feel a type of way or be hurt by something I am doing or saying. This, of course, is not the case. And when the shoe is on the other foot, I was able to understand. So that’s another things I am working on…mindfulness and being proactive instead of always being reflective or reactive.
- I should give myself more credit. I did a lot of things in 2020 that I took for granted until recently. I took a public speaking course, bought my first car, wrote a book, moved out on my own. At the time, it seemed like I was just going through the motions and I didn’t feel like I was making any progress as an adult, or a person really. But when I sat down and put everything into perspective (this came after my book release) I was like “Damn, Jay! You really out here making moves”. Similarly, it’s okay to give myself props and respect, as long as I don’t get one of these big ass egos.
- The world is cruel (I am keeping this one because it is still accurate). Many things that have been swept under a red, white, and blue rug were aired out this year. Amerikkka, the world, is still rather racist and the storm has only just begun.
- Old habits don’t have to die hard; they can just die. This was the year that I learned to stop clinging onto things about people. Some people made me feel real bad this year for one reason or another, and I had to let them go. No going around in circles, no continuous conversations for closer. Just a clean break, at least for me. I am still exercising this learned skill with a select few people in my life, but it feels good to not feel like I need to cling to people because of how much time or history we have or what they may have done for me, etc.
- Everything I’ve wanted is and was already on its way to me. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: 2020 made people sit TF still and really evaluate everything. We really didn’t have a choice in the matter. For me, I’m learning this year to be a little more patient. And with that, things are coming to me that I’ve needed or wanted, but they are coming more smoothly and timely because I am not fiercely pressing the issue. I am still working on it, but any progress is better than no progress.
- I don’t always need to be in control. Similar to the point above, I am learning that I do need to be in control of everything. Matter of fact, I CAN’T always be in control. Shit is going to happen (HELLO, PANDEMIC) and people are going to move how they want to move. I am noticing that as I worry less about others and unforeseeable circumstances, and more about myself, that things actually run smoother. Shocker, right?
- You have to meet God half way (ACCURATE STILL). Nothing will come to you if you just sit there and wait for it. You have to do work and manifest certain things, and then the clarity and rewards comes. God don’t work “magic”, he works with a blueprint.
- Holding in your emotions, your pain, is not strength. You can have your own opinions about this, but for the sake of MY blog, I have learned that crying, talking, and being vulnerable are very strong qualities. Being in tune with yourself and how you need to feel is powerful in and of itself. It also, personally, had helped me foster and leverage many different relationships throughout the year.
- If you put in the work, you will see results. As it pertains to my internal healing journey, the work has been done all 2020 and will continue to be done. It only toward the end of the year, though, that I am seeing drastic results and changes within myself. And that’s okay. No one ever said the work would be easy, and it’s not. No one said that the results would be immediate, and they were.
- Growth requires discomfort. When I tell you that 202 has made me the most uncomfortable I have EVER BEEN. Even when I was self harming and going through the fuck shit chronicles, because I was used to operating under duress and foolishness, it was easy. It had become my normal. This healthy lifestyle and communication and unlearning trauma responses and stuff, this is literally uncomfortable. It’s new. BUT ITS SO BOMB. The more I communicate, the more I flex those healthy lifestyle muscles, the easier it gets and the more rewarding my days seem.
- When you are kind to yourself, your world changes: I haven’t always loved or even known about affirmations. That concept was foreign to me for most of my life. But in 2020, I hit the affirmations and gratitude hard. I’ve kept a gratitude journal with an entry for just about every day this year and I have posted, said, or thought my affirmations daily. Literally I have felt myself become more positive and happy overall. I can now be alone with myself for far longer than ever before. Again, this is something that takes time and practice, but is so beautiful when you see yourself transform over time.
- You can’t tell everyone everything. Now this is something I am slowly learning and have started to learn very recently. You cannot tell everyone your business, even small parts. Yes, this also includes your friends. See, everyone has different opinions. And when you allow too many opinions in, you skew your own. Likewise, your words hold and transfer energy. You tel 10 friends about your relationship drama or about how scared you are to try something new, and thats 10 times you’ve put out some negative energy, whether you know it or not. On the flip side, you can tell 10 people something positive or that you are excited about something, but you cannot be sure that that won’t come with 10 opinions that you didn’t ask for, that might skew yours.
- When you don’t eat, you smell! No, seriously. I went through a spell recently where I was super stressed out for like a month and could go a day or two without consuming anything accept water. I lost muscle mass, I lost energy, I lost motivation. But equally as important and unexpected, I started to smell TOXIC. Like, this mess is indescribable other than…toxic. My body had started releasing this bacteria and essentially was in survival mode, and was releasing this…okay you get the point. But, I realized at 28, the important of eating. Again, shocker, right?
- Skinnier is not better. Similarly to the point above, I lost 12 pounds in 3 weeks, in a very unhealthy way. But I was getting so many compliments on how good I looked and how I’d lost weight and rah rah rah. Little did these people know, I was unhealthy, unhappy, and was not losing weight on purpose. I couldn’t complete workouts because I was so tired so I stopped going to the gym. It was garbage and I am super grateful that I didn’t develop an eating disorder or that I did not do too much internal damage.
- To be open and honest with myself about my sexuality! Im going to save the details for another post at a way later date, because I am not sure how much of my business I really want to tell all of you. But long story short, I came out to my family and close friends, and I have been a much happier human!
- It’s okay to say no. I am one “say yes because you want to keep the peace” type of person. And 2020 showed me how trash that was. The power of saying no is unmatched. I no, I am not saying no for no reason (see how many times I said no). But if I really don’t want to do something or can’t make it or whatever, I do not feel as bad about saying no, or next time. Even when it comes to work, many people have gotten a professional “miss me with that, respectfully” response.
- To listen with my eyes. There are two sides to this point. One is that people will say a lot of grandiose shit. Some people talk a really good day, and don’t actually have the actions to back up what they are saying. This point, I learned to lean on someones potentially so much, especially if they haven’t shown me anything that warrants any sort expectations.
The other side of this is that, some people won’t say much, but their actions speak for them. This pertains more so to love languages. I need and love words of affirmations. I’m a talker and expresser of my feelings and gratitude. But recently I have learned to observe and respect the ways people give me love. Some people express their loves with acts of service or physical touch. So, instead of getting wound up in what I am not getting, I have started to listen to my friends and those close to me with my eyes, not so much my ears.
- Being overly positive is not always helpful. This is a big one. I understand that in times like these, we want to stay positive and stay busy and all that noise. And I say noise because, sometimes it gets old. People need and want to be validated. People need and want to feel. Telling people every day or every time they vent or complain that “it’s going to be okay” or “Everything works out in the end” is not helpful all the time. I’ve learned that important validate feelings, even negative ones. It important to take time to be like “Yo, this pandemic is really ass and who knows when it’s going to end”. It’s fine to not know. It’s fine to be upset. As long as you don’t get stuck where you are, do what you need to do and feel what you need to feel. Like “Dammit I know it’s going to be fine but let me cry and eat this whole pizza real quick!”
- Forgiveness is necessary to heal and grow. I am notoriously stubborn, believe it or not. I also hold onto things for a long time. What I have learned this year, though, is that forgiveness is more so for me than it is for the other person. Forgiveness does not mean that you are doing a person a favor or letting them off, it means that YOU are releasing the negative you have pent up toward that person or situation. Forgive is a step toward healing, a step toward growing. Remember, you are doing it for you. I’ve been doing this gradually, and it really does feel good.
- A calendar does not make or break your progress. I had plans for 2020, as we all did. There are certain goals and things that I wanted to accomplish this year that I did accomplish or didn’t even start. On the other hand, there were some things that I did and didn’t think I was going to do. Regardless, a calendar year does not make or break your progress necessarily. Whatever it is, keep going, keep working, keep doing you. Yes, you should have a timeline for yourself. Yes, you should have short term and long terms goals. Yes, you should set your sights high. But, with that being said, be patient with yourself, be kind to yourself, and understand where you are going and that you will get there.
2020 taught me so much in a short amount of time. I am not the same person now that I was in January, or even in June when I wrote the first blog. If you would have told me on New Years day that I was going to go through half of what I went through this year I would have slammed the door in your face and rolled my eyes. And yet, here we are.
2020 saw a lot of tragedy that was exacerbated by being in quarantine most of the year. But 2020 was never canceled for me. In fact, I’ve learned and grown more this year that I have in previous years. The forced discomforted yield some very good personal results. I am sorry to all those who lost loved ones, as I am always sorry to those who lose loved one, whether to sickness or violence. I do hope though, that 2020 offered some positive insight for those of you reading this.
What have you learned in 2020? Comment below or let me know on my Instagram or Facebook page!
Growth, positivity and ALL THE THINGS,