It’s been a month now since I moved into my own apartment. No roomies, no partner. Just me, myself, and I (and Jefferson bear, of course).
In general, I am not a person that necessarily likes to be alone. As I have mentioned before, my mom would say that I am “always running these streets”. My friends know I always have something to do or something scheduled. Part of that is because of my anxiety and need for external validation to feel loved or appreciated; the other part of that is because I am super out going and want to be everywhere all the time!
However, I have realized upon moving into my own place, a place that has no attachment to anyone or anything but myself as this point, that I like living alone. I really enjoy my space and having time to myself. In fact, there are 5 main things, liberations, that I have noticed throughout my month of living on my own:
- I can be unapologetically myself in my space! I tell you, I have had the most dance parties and shower karaokes in this space than ever before! I some roll around smiling in the bed because I am so grateful for my space and just being able to wake up and move around freely! Sometimes I spin around in circles in the middle of the apartment or stare out the window and just be with myself. It’s a different kind of appreciation.
- Having a space that is only associated with me has helped my attachment issues. As mentioned in previous posts, I have a tendency to latch onto to people for stability and validation (sometimes the wrong people, but we aren’t talking about that right now). Especially when those people have been deeply associated with the space that I was in; or when I am uncomfortable in a space and that person provides familiarity. However, having my own space, attached to myself and whatever I want to make it, is so fulfilling. I don’t long for anyone, or really miss people. I enjoy my time with them but I look forward to coming home by myself. I also, low key, don’t want anyone in MY space now. I’m like, I’ll come to you or we can hangout outside!
- Sleeping and walking around with no clothes on is unmatched. Being able to sleep nakey, go to the bathroom at 3am, and not having to worry about being decent for a roomie or whatever, is AWESOME. Such a simple thing that brings me so much joy. Like, I don’t want to be mindful of how I am dressed or not when I need to pee. I also love knowing I wont fall in the toilet seat because it’s always down (it’s alright male roomies, I know you forget a lot, lol).
- I have space to cry. Sometimes, when I was living with roomies, I would either put off crying or I would try to muffle it when it would come. I didn’t like thinking that my roomies could hear me cry; I didn’t want to explain anything or see them with my teary and puffy eyes. NOW!? Let it rain, Jaymee. I haven’t needed to cry a lot (which is a sign of the good juju in my space) but when I do, I just let it out. Uncut, unmuffled, uncensored. That type of cry, the good ones, are actually more liberating and beneficial than trying to hold it in or muffle it.
- I actually enjoy resting!! While I am still coming into my own and settling within myself, I’ve noticed that I have less to run from or distract myself from. Due to the fact that I like my space more, or even have my own space, I enjoy resting and down time. Who knew!?
I am so appreciative of the opportunity and the means to be able to move into and live in my own space. There is something about being here that just radiates energy and love; I think it’s due to the fact that I have windows now and haven’t had windows for 3 years. I feel happier, more authentic, more sure of myself.
Now, this new apartment and all that didn’t solve the worlds problems or all the issues that I am battling. But, there is something to be said about ownership (my new car) and having your own space. Seeing something work, seeing yourself make it, is so liberation. Thats what this space has opened my eyes to not only my own achievements, but also my own potential and the things I don’t see or pay attention to myself.
What life change has happened to you that has made you feel more liberated or has made you notice things about yourself? Let me know in a comment or find me on social media (below).
Positivity, growth, and all the things,