The year 2020 is half way over, and boy have I already learned so much about myself and the world. I want to take the time to reflect on some things that 2020 has taught me.
- How to love properly. In 2020, I fell deeper in love with a man than I ever thought could be possible. But I had to let him go; To grow and heal and to be. That’s when I realized I was really in love; When I needed him to find his happiness more than I needed to hold on to him.
- That it is possible to over love. Everyone has their own journey that they need to embark on in their own way. Enforcing my will or my “help” onto people can be toxic for them, even if it comes from a good place.
- The world is cruel. Many things that have been swept under a red, white, and blue rug were aired out this year. Amerikkka, the world, is still rather racist and the storm has only just begun.
- This world scares me more than I thought. Fear of the police, fear of white people, fear of jogging, fear of driving while black, fear for my black students, fear for…my life. Period
- God has always had his way with me. The more I seek his guidance, the more I believe and trust that everything will be okay. He has already set everything into motion.
- You have to meet God half way: Nothing will come to you if you just sit there and wait for it. You have to do work and manifest certain things, and then the clarity and rewards comes. God don’t work “magic”, he works with a blueprint.
- Shit will usually get worse before it gets better. I’m just going to leave it at that.
- Depression does not look anything like those damn commercials. Depression and Anxiety can look like over compensation, hyperactivity at the wrong times. You can become sleep deprived, lose your appetite, and little cause some mighty irritable bowels. You can cling onto people, binge eat, cry randomly, refuse to cry at all. Literally you can be depressed and be all over the damn place.
- Nothing lasts forever. January 2020 and June 2020 saw two drastically different versions of me physically and mentally. You will get past whatever you are going through. You are going to feel better. Trust and believe that.
- Growth is scary as hell, but very rarely a bad thing. Notice how I said growth instead of change.
- You cannot manifest what is not meant for you: Period.
- You have friends for different reasons: I wrote another post about putting people in your life in the proper boundary spaces, and thats been super helpful for me in regards to conserving energy and enjoying various types of company.
- Soulmates are not always your partner or spouse: I have realized in just 6 months that there are two people in my life, two friends, that I believe are my soulmates. They get it, they understand, we never fall out. We can speak for months, not speak for another couple months, then bounce back like we never missed a beat.
- PopSmoke is the love of my life: R.I.P first of all. But there is something about his music, that energy, that I LOVE! It gives me life and peace. When I hear “Trap House Vibes” everyone around me knows it’s about to be a vibe for me; Mood instantly improved or amplified.
- Loving yourself is more effort than instagram makes it seem: This journey is hard ya’ll. My recent post about mental wellness being a forever journey speaks to that. This takes time, energy, and work. The more you grow, the more rewarding it all becomes. You become a whole mood, a positively dangerous energy when you start to love yourself and radiate that.
- Being told “no” does not mean you have failed: Being told “no” is an opportunity to take feedback, reflect, and become better. It’s a chance to try again, and potentially get something better for you. Never give up after a “no”, no matter how many you get.
- The odds of you succeeding the first time, are slim: As you get older, you will narrow down what you want to do, and set your mind to something. Things will get harder. We are in a world where competition is everything. Everybody wants their name, brand, or product out there. Social media is full of “influencers” and the like. You will not stand out or get it right the first time, or even the second time. But do the work and keep growing and changing and building; It’s worth it.
- Not everyone around you is happy for you: This is a big one. I have found that some of my most supportive followers are people that I don’t actually know. There are people that I have known and have confided in for years, that do not even follow my blog or support what I am about. There are other people that have seen me make moves and have actually spoken ill about it. Thats neither here nor there because everyone serves a purpose in life, but it’s definitely noted. KEEP WORKING REGARDLESS.
- To the point above, moving in silence is more powerful than bragging along the way: Pour into yourself, keep the positive energy inside you or within a friend space that you feel is fully supportive of you and wishes you well. I am a woman of God, but I still very much believe in energies and the butterfly effect. As you are growing and changing and pouring into yourself, you want as much positive energy as you can get, even if that means conserving yours for yourself at times.
- The work WE have done in 2020 will NOT yield immediate results: Hear me out. One day of protesting didn’t get laws passed and murderers arrested, but several weeks of it did. It took time. Affirmations, working out, cleansing, etc. do not show results in one or two days, but over time, you see the changes. WE HAVE TO KEEP PUSHING. Change takes time, effort, and energy. The internal revolution will not be televised. The external revolution will not be televised. Nonetheless, we need to continue to work on ourselves, do the work, and we will see the results over time.
- Bonus: I already knew this, but I do have some BOMB ASS people in my corner. 2020 gave plenty of opportunities for folks to show support, be there for me, pull me back from a ledge, and visa versa. You’re probably reading this, and I need you to know I love you and I have always appreciated your support.
2020 taught me so much in a short amount of time. I am not the same person now that I was in January. If you would have told me on New Years day that I was going to go through half of what I went through, or that the world was going to look this way, I would have slammed the door in your face and rolled my eyes. And yet, here we are.
I definitely don’t think 2020 is canceled. In fact, this is one of the best years of my adulthood. I’ve learned so much about myself and the world. I’ve changed and grown already. I love myself more; I am making gains; I am waking up to a lot of things. And to be honest, I am hopeful and excited about the new lessons to be learned and eye opening experiences to be had from now to the end of the year. Find the positives in this year ya’ll, because there is no issue seeing the negative all around us. In the words of Kendrick Lamar, “We Gone Be Alright”!
What have you learned in 2020 so far? Comment below or let me know on my Instagram or Facebook page below!
Positivity, growth, and ALL THE THINGS,