Heyyyyyyy you! You Single?…
It is freshly summer, some places in the country are freshly open, and people are ready to break out of the cell they have been stuck in during the cold, harsh months of quarantine and winter/spring. There are more people on dating apps than ever before, but there are also more people in therapy or with some emotional instabilities than ever before as well. There is wayyyyyyyy too damn much going on in this world, and adding dating on top of it just seems like chaos at this point. For most of us single people, I know some of us may want to find love and be with someone, but now more than ever, we need to stay single. Here are 7 reason why:
1.You May Be Unstable
Whether it is the constant murders of black folks, harassment in the LGBTQ community, the elections, or just COVID19 feelings, you may be dealing with a lot of surface level or underlying emotions that only you can unpack. This type of energy is confusing to us and hard to sit and deal with, let alone trying to navigate those while looking for or entering a relationship.
2. Being Single Provides Freedom
DO WHAT YOU WANT and do what you need to do. If you want to cry, be alone, pack up and leave, whatever, being single gives you the freedom to do what needs to be done and feel how you need to feel. You do not have to answer to or really think about anyone. This gives you the chance to figure yourself out, learn how to love yourself, and grow into who you need to be. This is a hard one for me because I like having that special someone around, but space and freedom is necessary as fuck and you will thank yourself for it.
3. You Can WORK ON YOUR FRIENDSHIPS
We aren’t out here having intimate or sexual relations with our friends, but those relationships still need to be nourished and cared for as well. Our friends make up parts of our family, and sometimes are our only family. Those relationships tend to fall off when we get into relationships, which is not always healthy. While our friends are NOT our therapists, knowing that you have great people in your corner, rooting for you, and that you are rooting for, can be an authentic and hidden healer. Leverage those friendships and let them nurture and care for you as well.
4. You May Be Insecure
Being insecure and being vulnerable can lead to wanting and entering relationships that do not serve you. You may enter into or want the relationship for the wrong reasons, to make you feel good or to help you get some sort of external validation because you cannot give that love and validation to yourself. This type of needy relationship is not fair to you or your partner. You end up latching onto them and depending on them for your happiness and appreciation, which is pressure for them but also hinders you from being able to work on yourself and provide those things internally.
5. You Can Explore
Who do you like? What do you like? What type of space do you want to be in? When do you want space and when do you want people around? Being single opens up doors of exploration with little judgement because it is subjective. You find out things about yourself and about those around because not only are you free, but your thoughts can be free as well, no guilt or judgement. It is important to get to know yourself as a single person before trying to get to know and join someone else. I, again, struggle with this but am seeing how necessary it is to personal and internal happiness. You can explore non-negotiables and become better equipped to sticking to your own boundaries.
6. You Can See Past the Fairytale
You see how hard it is to love yourself sometimes? You see how much work you have to put into yourself and your friendships. This is the same, if not more, work that you have to put into relationships. Intimate relationships are not and will never be fairytales. They take constant work and understanding and growth. Often times people want the honeymoon stage of a relationship all the time, and are unaware of the constant growth and effort that needs to be maintained. Love is one thing. You can love someone forever. But to be in a relationship requires work. When you are single and on the journey or self love and appreciation, you can see past the fairytale, appreciate someone else’s journey and then decide if this is a partner you can grow with or not; Decide what you are willing to put up with and what is a dealbreaker.
7. You Can Manifest Positive Energy
They always say that things come to you when you are not looking for them. I believe this is the same for relationships. If you are single, focusing on loving yourself, living your truth, and achieving your goals, you are literally putting positive vibes in the air. You will be radiating good energy and light that can and will be see from a distance. Then, you will start to attract that which you are, that positivity and warmth and passion and ambition. We don’t want to attract that which makes us feel needy, or helpless, which is what often happens when energy is put toward seeking a partner at all costs instead of seeking self love and understanding. Being single opens a door for you to manifest what you want from yourself, others, and the universe. You, Yourself, and Yours can go to the gym whenever, work on that project whenever, explore what you like and don’t like WHENEVER.
Now, staying single for a while does not mean you have to stay single forever, or be selfish, or any of those things. But being content with being single, being okay with yourself, is a sign of growth and maturity and will only have good benefits. It is healthy not to NEED another person, but be okay with having them and growing with them.
It is never, ever a bad thing to work on yourself, to love yourself, to growth with yourself. You are constantly changing and learning and figuring yourself out. Give yourself that time, manifest dope ass energy, and let the universe and God take hold and everything else. At the end of the day, You are the only You that You’ve got. Take care of that person, cause the world isn’t get another one.
Positivity, Growth, and all the things,