Emmett, Trayvon, Sandra, Ahmaud, and Everyone In between…


I am sick to my stomach. I am mad. I am scared. I am…

The harder my heart races, the more I feel for my brothers and sisters whose hearts have stopped. Not from old age. Not from an accident. But from an unnecessary, hate filled, racist, MURDER.

The thing that angers me the most, is that I am not shocked. Im disgusted and continuously disturbed by the disregard this country has for its black citizens. The jails are filled with our men. And when the mask comes off, and we see that jail is continued slavery, then our black men and women start to fill the graves. And for what? Because we built the country and the foundations to the supreme court and the white house? Because we want to love ourselves and our kids the same way everyone else does? Because we want to walk into a store, buy skittles, know our rights, or run a couple miles to stay fit?

It doesn’t make sense. I teach many black boys. I have a black brother. I have black friends. And I fear for their lives every day. At this point, it has nothing to do with “walking the straight and narrow”. It has nothing to do with “doing what you are told”. It has nothing to do with “put your hands where I can see them”. Nope, black was seen first. Black is the new probable cause; the new “he had a weapon”. Black is scary? Fuck that. WE ARE SCARED. Why fear us when we are being gunned down in the street, lynched, beaten, strangled, MURDERED.

Im starting to question what “justice” really means here. My brain is having a hard time reasoning with the definition of the word, while reality proves otherwise, time and time again. We are crazy, because we keep switching up how we are present ourselves, how we come off, how we speak, where we go, and what we do. But the result is still the same. Will my dark skin and short hair scare the next officer that pulls me over? Will me knowing my rights make him want to shoot me to shut me up? Will my brother be the next heartfelt hashtag for a couple of months? Will it be one of my students? Will it be you?


I love being black. I love my power and resilience and strength and… I love my thick hair and thick thighs and…I love having the privilege of knowing my history so that I can hopefully build a better future for myself and those I teach and associate with.

I love my allies. I love those that understand. I love those that wish to understand and acknowledge the foolishness.

And while I am scared, I refuse to stand down and change WHO I am because…fuck that. THEIR perception of me is THEIR problem. I will not let them win by living in fear. Not today, not tomorrow. I will continue to teach my babies and give them a sense of self and value. I will hype up my friends, live my truth, and promote black excellence and all the things. In the words of Kendrick Lamar, “We gone be alright! Do you hear me, do you feel me!? We gone be ALRIGHT!”

God be with ya,


Published by Finding Jaymee LLC

As a 28 year old educator, traveler, and athlete, I aspire to candidly shed light on my journey through my blackness and my womanhood, and promote positivity, growth, and all the things!

20 thoughts on “Emmett, Trayvon, Sandra, Ahmaud, and Everyone In between…

  1. Well, said. The difficult part is watching this continue to happen over and over again and then watching the perpetrators of these atrocities go free. I don’t know that I have another left in me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely understand. But we have to have hope and faith cause we have people in our lives that we need to look out for and inspire. Last night I was…Lord, feeling all the things. Today, I just want to shine for those who can’t!


  2. Thank you for sharing this. As a white woman, I won’t pretend to understand, because I never will live the same experience but I am truly sorry as a human being that you have to be afraid for people you love in 2020. It’s unacceptable and white people have to do better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate this very much! Would have never expected this in 2020, but it just shows how much work needs to be done.


  3. Thank you for sharing. Love what you say about giving your babies a sense of value. It’s so key in these times. Let’s live in hope and faith that things change for the better x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I read this as the sun came through the clouds! Thank you, and yes, HOPE AND FAITH!


  4. Thank you for writing this from a REAL perspective. I will never understand the mentality of thinking you are better than someone because of the color of their skin. As a black woman I am scared, sad & pissed.


  5. There needs to be a change! There shouldn’t even be a debate about this. We start with discussions like this, but we can make more change with our votes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I could not agree more. I registered my seniors to vote this past week so that we can all be on board with making a change.


  6. My heart breaks every time something like this happen and the worst thing is we are the only people on this earth hated by every other race out there. Sometime I sit to think how can this be possible to be hated by every race, and killed for the color of our skin. See when they cant control us to enslave us then we are lazy, were thugs, were criminals. If they can’t imprison us all for cheap cheap labor then we’re worth nothing more but death. I encourage people I speak to often you need to have another plan our birth place plan mama Africa plan. Don’t believe the Propaganda they put on Tv about the place remember they made is seem like we only started in slavery they left out the part that we had royalties you can’t expect the same people who are try to oppress us to teach us the truth about our lineage


  7. Its a scary time here in Minneapolis – I hope that they move quickly and end the destruction that is happening and bring peace to those affected.


    1. The destruction will stop when there is justice and when we don’t have to fear being black.


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