Self Growth : Acknowledging YOUR OWN Toxic Traits

Nowadays, we have a lot more time than we had before to sit with ourselves and really unpack our characteristics, our ticks and triggers, and unfortunately, our toxic traits. Keep reading, I’ll get to that.

Recently, I have read several blogs or social media posts about cutting ties with toxic people, how to identify and avoid narcissistic people, and my least favorite, how quarantine will expose who does and does not care about you. Many of these posts are looking outward. And I am not saying they are wrong, because there is a lot fo truth in them. On the contrary, the posts that look inward are geared to loving yourself, knowing you are dope, allowing yourself to feel, and other aspects that I swear by and blog about myself! However, things are not this black and white; It is not as simple as cutting off toxic people or people who do not like you. It is not as easy as saying you love yourself or surrounding yourself with people who love you and you’re magically a grand person. NOPE. SORRY.

WE ALL HAVE TOXIC TRAITS! You can be the nicest person, and be dependent. That can be suffocating or toxic to someone else. You can give to others, more than yourself. But this can be toxic to someone else, or even yourself. Now, before you go somewhere else and navigate out of this blog, let me give you an example…

My toxic trait is complicated. And I only just realized that it was toxic a couple months ago. I love people too much. Rather, I cling to people too hard. At first, I just thought I had “daddy issues”. Then I labeled it abandonment issues, because I don’t like being left. Then I saw an instagram post that said: You are not asking too much, you are just asking the wrong person”. And I validated my toxic trait and just assumed that everyone who was not receptive to my clinginess and Goose like love (because Geese love and mate for life not for flings) needed to be cut off. WRONG. I do not love myself enough, so I look, crave, for the love and attention from my partners. Someone patient, ready for any mood swing that might come, and loves me unconditionally. The issue is, this is a perfect scenario. And as we all know, nothing is perfect. So the moment I feel like I am not put first, the priority, or am misunderstood, I feel upset. More than upset. I feel unloved, unworthy, even lost.

No one MAKES me feel unloved. I already feel that way and project or pin it on other people. And then use sad instagram quotes to validate my point. No one MAKES me feel unworthy. I already feel that way, so I attach the feeling to a moment where someone hurt my feelings, and suddenly that person is the reason I feel that way, not myself. THAT IS SOME TOXIC SHIT YALL! If this sounds like you, then you have a toxic trait. SORRY.

Now, like I said, I have known this was my toxic trait for months now. This is why I am so big on affirmations, positivity, growth, and all the things. I am not one of those people that is happy and affirming out of nowhere. NAHHHH, I have to sit with this toxicity daily and unpack it and work on my self love and personal validation. I spent, and sometimes still spend, a long time seeking validation and love from others, unable to give it to myself as much as I should and need to. But I am working on it. The only real way to grow is to really sit and unpack that which is keeping you stagnant. And sorry to say, but often times, that is yourself and the way you think.

Please understand, I am calling you out, yes. But I am, in no way, saying you are a bad person. I am just acknowledging that we all have our baggage, our “thing”, or tick, so to speak. And for some of us, for me, it is coming out more during this time of isolation than it was before hand, because I am isolated and have to sit with myself, a person that I have to work to like. I am liking myself more and more every day, but this takes some work. You have to be willing to really dive into WHY you feel how you feel. WHY are you so angry that your friend or partner didn’t FaceTime you back? WHY do you get upset when your partner leaves their clothes on the back of the chair? WHY do you feel the need to give so much to someone? WHY do you feel like you have to have everything the way YOU want it? WHY do you get upset when… fill in the blank…

Just something to think about if you have not done so already.

I would love to know, if you want to share, what your toxic trait might be. Let’s unpack that. Message me on social media or leave a comment!

Positivity, Growth, and All the things,

Jaymee

Published by Jaymee Vee

Being a black woman has its perks and it’s challenges. As a 27 year old educator, traveler, and athlete, I aspire to candidly shed light on my journey through my blackness and my womanhood, and promote positivity, growth, and all the things!

16 thoughts on “Self Growth : Acknowledging YOUR OWN Toxic Traits

  1. I love this post. I feel the same way about the big focus right now on the toxic “other”. It’s true there are people who can have a toxic effect on us and that it’s healthy to set boundaries for ourselves in those relationships to honor our own needs. But it’s also true we have to take an honest look at ourselves to see what work WE need to do to make sure our relationships are healthy. That’s a harder pill to swallow, so I commend you for putting it out there boldly. 🙏💜😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you thank you! I have noticed that I don’t always set boundaries for others because my own toxicity gets in the way. It took me a week to write such a short post but I have to sit with it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this post – I realize I have the same problem too. I see the “potential” in people as who they really are when sometimes that’s not really the case… and that can end up in disaster!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yessss! It’s like we mean well, but it’s goes to far! Glad I’m not the only one, but we got this! At least we know now!

      Like

  3. Thank you for writing from such a refreshing perspective! I agree, too often focus just on others, while for growing personally we should start by working on the inside

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thank you for sharing! I’m a Black therapist and trauma and toxic traits is something I often discuss. Learning to love our traits rather than trying to break ourselves down for them is key. I love your perspective. Thank you for sharing f your story and spreading awareness!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! I appreciate this comment so much! I’m slowly learning about myself and just hoping the readers can take pieces with them and apply it to their journey! Loving yourself and internal reflections are key for growth!

      Like

  5. This is such an important topic that is often overlooked. Everyone wants to point the finger and talk about cutting out toxicity, but no one wants to be introspective and realize their own toxicity. We all are toxic and the power comes in knowing, trying to counter against it and being honest with our loved ones and being willing to apologize when we inevitably fail at controlling it at times.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yesssss! All of this! I was at a point where I was caught in a bad cycle and I was like I CANNOT just blame everyone else!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. What a great post and I can really relate to what you are saying! I am codependent and feel out of control when I can’t fix or control situations. It has been a battle through life and in relationships. This is something I have to work on daily. With this pandemic, I know it is creating anxiety and mental health problems for a large portion of the population. Being isolated, I feel the anxiety of not being able to fix this virus and control what is happening around me. We need to be supportive of what people are feeling to help us all get through hard times.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Girl, it’s like you’re in my therapy sessions! Although I self-reflect, you’re making me think deeply about my toxic trait. Thank you for talking about this! I hate one-sided stories because even though toxicity is bad, some people are completely unaware of it. Also those IG quotes really be having us in our feelings lol.

    Like

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