Four weeks ago, I wrote Quarantined Extrovert after just 9 days of social distancing and isolation in New York City. Quick recap: I was intensely experiencing all the things; some feelings I had been suppressing and some I didn’t even know I had. I felt lonely, I felt angry, I felt worthless and trapped. Then I pretty much created three affirmations to tell myself or ways to recondition my brain to settle (internally) with this “new normal” that society has fallen into.
Well, here we are four weeks later. I will not sit there and write that everything is perfect. I still have waves of loneliness and anxiety. But, what I will say, is that I am more okay with myself, during this time, than I’ve ever been before. This situation sucks, don’t get me wrong. But I do not feel like I am spirally out of control or constantly angry like I was two weeks ago when I wrote I Wear the Mask: Anger.
One of my affirmations to myself – along with telling myself “today is a good day” and being thankful for my health – is that I WILL pour into myself. I WILL make deposits into my self bank during this time. I have spent a lot of time in the past adopting and taking on the feelings of others. When people are sick or my students need me, I suppress my own feelings to be there for them and offer advice or a listening ear. When my friends call me to express their fears and concerns, I answer. When I am sad and some one calls me to vent or tell me their own good news, my feels go back into the box. I never considered this to be a bad things, because I love helping people, especially those that are close to me. But, because I was not making deposits into myself and not allowing myself to feel ALL the emotions I needed to during this scary time, then anger and distance and anxiety set in.
Anyways, back to the point. Here is what pouring into myself and making deposits looks like for me:
- I Run/Workout
Some days I run and enjoy the sunshine and the silence. Other days, I run to escape. I run sometimes so I can cry, and then I don’t stop until I have stopped crying. For me, living with random roomies and thin walls, and having pent up energy and emotions, this is a huge productive outlet for me.
- I talk to my loved ones every day.
Humans NEED social interaction. We need to know and feel that we are loved. What better way to feel that than with people who LOVE YOU! My mommy and I have come a long way. And being several hundred (if not a thousand) miles away from and being told I CANT travel to her, makes our calls and FaceTimes that much sweeter. I’ve also found great power in talking to my friends and family on group FaceTime calls! It helps the extrovert in me socialize and laugh and exchange energies!
- I clock out
Take the time to check out and feel the way you need or want to feel and do the things you need and want to do. It is okay!!! You are allowed to be selfish, especially if you are making deposits into yourself and giving yourself what you need. Disclaimer: as times are scary and you may or may not have sick loved ones or work duties, I don’t. recommend doing this all days, but a couple of hours or even 1 hour is great!
- I’ve been writing and blogging
Well, here we are. Haha. But seriously, writing is therapeutic for me. Find something calming that brings you joy. Work on a project. Meditate. Read. Finish that…whatever it was you were working on!
- I blast music
This specific song has played so many hours on repeat. It brings me so much joy. I blast it in the shower and sing into the shower head. I play it when no one is home and dance in the mirror. I also play other upbeat music and artists that I can just dance to! It’s amazing what a good tempo and a hairbrush mic can do for you during quarantine. Also, it really helps me vibe and love myself so much more.
- I cry when I need to
This is huge! Being strong and suppressing feelings isn’t cute anymore guys. You will crash eventually and when you do, it’s not going to only effect you, if will effect those you care about. If you take the time out of your day or week or whatever, to be vulnerable with yourself or whoever, you will be much happier in the long run. Crying can be a simple of strength. You are not work for allowing yourself space to feel and to health. It’s rough times out here guys.
So, in summary, my affirmation and my actionable – and sometimes not actionable – deposits have help alleviate the restless anxious feelings. I thought that I would be losing my mind by now. And some days, I honestly still feel like I am going through the motions and I’m on survival mode. But, I’m definitely in a better spot now than I was on day 9. I’ve been able to release pend up energy and emotions, and share laughs and vibes with those I love (from a distance). I have also begone to love myself so many more than I thought possible before and at the beginning of thee quarantine (still have work to do, but 4 weeks in, this is a good start). I would advice, that learning to love yourself and doing things that make you happy and pouring into yourself, is a great way to mitigate anxiety and loneliness.
This is my story, this is my journey!
Peace,Love, and All the things!